Truth is: I feel like you'd rather stay where youre at than be with me...

Ughh wwhats wrong with people! Sex loses its beauty when theres more than two people involved!

Im so used to smiling on the outside when im crying on the inside

Losing my grip =/

And its official, im depressed ='(

Feels like a fucking idiot...

I feel so disrespected by you...

Gone

So, here is how I feel. I am flling back, back into my depression. I dont know what to do to stop it. It's like, if I'm with my friends I am fine. The moment they leave, my mind starts to turn and won't stop. I cant help but think of Chris. I really had feelings for him...more so than a lot of my ex's. He actually made me feel like a guy actually cared for me, for once in my life. Now, he won't even talk to me, and I don't know why. I've tried talking to him. Theres nothing else I can do. Ugh, I also have pink eye. I probably got it from work. I had to call off for a while so now I am also worried about losing my job. I miss college. I can't wait to go back. yet, I'm worried it could make how I feel worse. Although, it could make me think less about things and more about academics. .sigh. I'm at a loss of words now, so I'll talk to you all later.

Love, David

It's all my fault...='(

Seriously, its been over a week =(

Ugh, I hate being upset with someone I have such strong feelings for. Its aggrivating because I try being rational but sometimes I just cannot.

If there were to be a wishlist of people I want to throw babies at, YOU'D BE ON IT!

I miss waking up to those "good morning beautiful" texts. =(

Wooo! Got my septum pierced! =) Also, got a job at speedway!

You know who you are

A walk hand in hand
childhood identity
Under the willow
serene development
Lips quivering
ardent sensuality
In your arms I am found
Perpetuated antiquity
Sparks all around
serenity attained.

By: David Bonser

Im tired of the way you treat me!

Bipolar

Okay so...I think I should be tested for Bipolar disorder...heres a check list I have made of symptoms I have...

-Inability to concentrate. lately its been really hard for me

-Decreased need for sleep

-Euphoria

-Racing thoughts

-Agitation or irritation

-Inflated self-esteem

-Anxiety

-Depression

-Flunctuations between low and high appetite

-Fatigue

-Guilt

-Loss of interest in daily activities

Im afraid my dear youve already made up your mind you just dont want to tell me

You're all about yourself

The more you keep your own secrets, the more i'll keep mine.

People..People

Okay, so, people have been getting on my nerves a lot lately. Honestly, don't make plans with me if youre just going to blow me off. best friends would never do that! So, why do people still call themselves best friends when they mainly just care about themselves at the end of the day? Well, I rarely plan on top of another plan. If I do its an honest mistake. But, I know people who have done this to me quite a few times. Im just really sick of it. I'm also sick of some people not respecting my decisions. Sorry sir but my life does not revolve around you. =) I am my own person and yes my friends help define me. I am totally okay with that because without them life just wouldnt be so exciting! I really only have 2 friends that I can truly call my BEST friends.

I want my fears to fall
into his stone goblet of fire.
Igneous, perishing, eventually vanishing,
into moonlit glowing embers.

I want my dreams to fall
into his crystalline wine glass.
Calefacient, revealing, cajoling,
into bantam fizzy bubbles.

But most of all-

I want my tears to fall
into his half empty cup of coffee.
Warm, inviting, splashing,
into the murky unknown.

by: David Bonser

Okay, so this is my first blog-lame, I know. I figured, I need to start releasing some of my thoughts. This could actually do the opposite though. Maybe it will cause me to think too much of things? If it does, will it stop me? Who honestly wants to read about a 19 year old guy who lives in Sparta-and no, not the one in Greece?